Blog entry for:

is not something i can be readily accused of doing these days. in fact i often rail against my peers who seem to rely on the slogans, catch phrases and bon mots. i live in the real world and one that has a bit more complexity than can be summed up in a trite and overused phrase. i believe in the power of language and for this addict, choosing the correct word or phrase to approximate what it is i am thinking or feeling is more important than getting a nod of the head, because my peers “recognize” something. i know that is not necessarily the general consensus, in fact i am probably as far out in the fringe as the ardent supporters of number Forty-Five who believe they “saw” election fraud in Georgia with their “own eyes” when they never left Colorado. at least i am healthy enough to see when i am deluding myself or being led into an abattoir, like some sort of sheeple. i know i do not have any “lock” on how to do this gig, all i have is a program that works for me, just for today.
this morning, i am meeting up with a man who may end up being another person who calls me their sponsor. when i sit down with him and go over his expectations and i go over mine,. we may come to an agreement to start that relationship. it is weird that even when my peers do not see me on any sort of regular basis, in person anyhow, i can still be asked to demonstrate how i got what i have. i know that nothing is written in stone and as i enjoy a caffeinated beverage on this chilly morning, i have to remember that all i have is today and an abiding FAITH in the program that has brought me this far. i can also be okay, being myself and not seeking approval from my peers, by stringing together a chain of clichés when all the time i am doing heinous stuff on the down-low. i know what i am all about today and even though i am far from perfect or a “model of the recovering addict,” i am okay, stumbling through this day, doing the best i can, with what i have been given.

∞ DT ∞