ยถ the more experienced members, who seem to have ยถ
Posted: Fri, Dec 19, 2014 07:42:58 AM
an aura of peace surrounding them, demonstrate the rewards of applying the practice of these principles in their lives.
so if i walk the talk as the saying goes, i will get the benefits. sounds like a no-brainer to me. too bad it is not that easy. walking the talk, that is, not the reaping the rewards. quite honestly i still get angry when someone gets pissed off at me, for not meeting their fVcking expectations. i still get quite chirpy, when someone gets all bent out of shape, because i cannot read their mind, reach into their heart, of figure out whet their intentions were. yes, it is true, i am far from serene or wise when i feel i have been wronged, for some silly reason, i have not become a saint.
the one refrain i hear the most from those on the edge, or looking for a reason to stay out using, is how nonspiritual and judgmental they think everyone is. after all, they have history, so they cannot possibly walk back into the same rooms to face the people they shat all over. because i have heard this time and again, i have started to realize what it is that they are really doing, as i see the same behavior in myself.
yes, the members in the room may judge a bit, i certainly know i do. yes we may gossip a bit as well and i am far from immune from this little shortcoming either. what i do, however is wake up and face my FEAR of life. yes, those who are on the edge are afraid of living. i understand that, because just as they are, so am i. each and every day i have to find a way to face my FEAR of what is going to happen, how i may get hurt, embarrass, humiliated or left out. for me, walking out of the door is a spooky proposition and i have a professional diagnosis to prove it. that does not mean that i allow that FEAR to rule my life, i need not put on a macho bravado and pretend to be something i am not, all i have to do is walk out that door, and do my best to live the program of recovery i have been given. my friends and former peers, who find every excuse in the world to cave to their FEAR? well, i understand, i empathize and i will welcome them back, but i will not co-sign their bullsh!t by “loving them back into the rooms.” IF they want what i have been given, then they better be prepared to do what i did. and what i did, was follow the suggestion of those members who have been walking this path, for longer than i have. each and every day i stay clean, go to work, practice these principles in my affairs and learn what i need to learn, is another day when i am not ruled by FEAR and need not act like a whiny little baby in my mama's arms. i get to be self-supporting. i get to be kind and loving. i get to be more of a man and less of a wuss, and their is no need for any eminent fronts in my life. it is this path, and this path alone that gallows me the FREEDOM to practice a spiritual principle or two today, and for that i am grateful. perhaps today i will walk the talk, 100% of the time, or not. today however i am grateful that i can aspire to that standard and be satisfied that as a human i may not meet it, as it is a great day to be clean.
so if i walk the talk as the saying goes, i will get the benefits. sounds like a no-brainer to me. too bad it is not that easy. walking the talk, that is, not the reaping the rewards. quite honestly i still get angry when someone gets pissed off at me, for not meeting their fVcking expectations. i still get quite chirpy, when someone gets all bent out of shape, because i cannot read their mind, reach into their heart, of figure out whet their intentions were. yes, it is true, i am far from serene or wise when i feel i have been wronged, for some silly reason, i have not become a saint.
the one refrain i hear the most from those on the edge, or looking for a reason to stay out using, is how nonspiritual and judgmental they think everyone is. after all, they have history, so they cannot possibly walk back into the same rooms to face the people they shat all over. because i have heard this time and again, i have started to realize what it is that they are really doing, as i see the same behavior in myself.
yes, the members in the room may judge a bit, i certainly know i do. yes we may gossip a bit as well and i am far from immune from this little shortcoming either. what i do, however is wake up and face my FEAR of life. yes, those who are on the edge are afraid of living. i understand that, because just as they are, so am i. each and every day i have to find a way to face my FEAR of what is going to happen, how i may get hurt, embarrass, humiliated or left out. for me, walking out of the door is a spooky proposition and i have a professional diagnosis to prove it. that does not mean that i allow that FEAR to rule my life, i need not put on a macho bravado and pretend to be something i am not, all i have to do is walk out that door, and do my best to live the program of recovery i have been given. my friends and former peers, who find every excuse in the world to cave to their FEAR? well, i understand, i empathize and i will welcome them back, but i will not co-sign their bullsh!t by “loving them back into the rooms.” IF they want what i have been given, then they better be prepared to do what i did. and what i did, was follow the suggestion of those members who have been walking this path, for longer than i have. each and every day i stay clean, go to work, practice these principles in my affairs and learn what i need to learn, is another day when i am not ruled by FEAR and need not act like a whiny little baby in my mama's arms. i get to be self-supporting. i get to be kind and loving. i get to be more of a man and less of a wuss, and their is no need for any eminent fronts in my life. it is this path, and this path alone that gallows me the FREEDOM to practice a spiritual principle or two today, and for that i am grateful. perhaps today i will walk the talk, 100% of the time, or not. today however i am grateful that i can aspire to that standard and be satisfied that as a human i may not meet it, as it is a great day to be clean.
∞ DT ∞