โ IF i continue to live as i did in active addiction โ
Posted: Wed, Dec 19, 2012 09:11:47 AM
my fellow members may suspect that i am doing nothing more than quoting bumper stickers.
alright, confession time! i am happy that i did not have to slide into Boulder this morning to start my new full-time gig, i have more than enough side work to keep me busy and it is nice not to have to drive with all the other yahoos in this snowy morning. i also have to say that i DID hold the meeting hostage last night with a burning desire, that was pure cross-talk. it irks me when other member says that there are rules or an etiquette for what should or should not be shared at a meeting when the literature clearly says “everything affecting a recovering addict's life is material for sharing.”
so the reading this morning, just happens to be an excellent one for me to consider. even though it suggests that i carry my recovery into my life even when no one is looking, for me, i have to practice the principles in my life LIKE EVERYONE can see all that i do. unfortunately part of my make-up is that appearances are very important to me. someday this will be reduced to the point of being undetectable by me, but in the mean time, i can turn this defective shortcoming to my advantage. if i pretend that everyone is always watching me, as narcissistic and self-centered as it sounds, i will almost be compelled to live my recovery, through practicing the 12th Step, in all my affairs. the best part of this, is i see nothing wrong with this flight into fantasy, as i really do not want to be a recovery thief or a bumper sticker member. reality? well, i do my best and i have an excellent way to check how well i did, at the end of every day. part of my daily inventory, is not only to catalog what i did wrong, it also includes the stuff i did correctly. on the whole, usually my correct actions outweigh my incorrect ones. my good decisions, outweigh the poor choices i made. and if i received criticism about how i am acting, this is the time i see whether or not it is something i should do something about, or something i should talk to my sponse with or something i can chalk up to be human, and resolve to do better tomorrow, through application of the spiritual principles of the recovery program that is the foundation of this new way of living.
anyhow, i have dilly-dallied long enough. i do need to accomplish a few things on this unexpected day off, so it is off to the showers and then…
i will do my best to carry with me the notion, that i CAN live a program of recovery, even in the so-called normal world.
alright, confession time! i am happy that i did not have to slide into Boulder this morning to start my new full-time gig, i have more than enough side work to keep me busy and it is nice not to have to drive with all the other yahoos in this snowy morning. i also have to say that i DID hold the meeting hostage last night with a burning desire, that was pure cross-talk. it irks me when other member says that there are rules or an etiquette for what should or should not be shared at a meeting when the literature clearly says “everything affecting a recovering addict's life is material for sharing.”
so the reading this morning, just happens to be an excellent one for me to consider. even though it suggests that i carry my recovery into my life even when no one is looking, for me, i have to practice the principles in my life LIKE EVERYONE can see all that i do. unfortunately part of my make-up is that appearances are very important to me. someday this will be reduced to the point of being undetectable by me, but in the mean time, i can turn this defective shortcoming to my advantage. if i pretend that everyone is always watching me, as narcissistic and self-centered as it sounds, i will almost be compelled to live my recovery, through practicing the 12th Step, in all my affairs. the best part of this, is i see nothing wrong with this flight into fantasy, as i really do not want to be a recovery thief or a bumper sticker member. reality? well, i do my best and i have an excellent way to check how well i did, at the end of every day. part of my daily inventory, is not only to catalog what i did wrong, it also includes the stuff i did correctly. on the whole, usually my correct actions outweigh my incorrect ones. my good decisions, outweigh the poor choices i made. and if i received criticism about how i am acting, this is the time i see whether or not it is something i should do something about, or something i should talk to my sponse with or something i can chalk up to be human, and resolve to do better tomorrow, through application of the spiritual principles of the recovery program that is the foundation of this new way of living.
anyhow, i have dilly-dallied long enough. i do need to accomplish a few things on this unexpected day off, so it is off to the showers and then…
i will do my best to carry with me the notion, that i CAN live a program of recovery, even in the so-called normal world.
∞ DT ∞