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the new ideas i have found in the fellowship, is not always my first course of action. it is, however, often the easier, softer way. as i consider what i heard this morning, i go back to the notion my best source of material is what i witness my peers and those i encounter in life doing as they walk through their days. i know what drives me crazy about **them** is the same stuff that drives me crazy about myself. on the flip side of that record, there is a bit of HOPE, as what i see in them that i **approve** of, are the exact behaviors and attitudes i wish to make my **go-to** stuff.
a couple of things pop off the stack that make me traipse down the path to deep thoughts. the first of those notions is what i heard at the meeting i attended yesterday. that meeting is not part of my routine and i decided to “drop in” to support a friend and peer. as always, for me anyhow, it was a mixed bag. one of my peers shared that what they had going on in their life was material for another fellowship. really, WTF🙻 i have issues about the “purity” of the message, BUT, the one thing i have learned is that ANYTHING that affects me and my recovery is perfect material for sharing at a meeting. ever since the day i decided that all i needed was a single fellowship to “treat” all the manifestations of addiction, i knew that i was home. i am confident that no matter what is going on in my life, the answers i seek are in the experience of the fellowship that is my home. what i keep on the down-low, because i think it is inappropriate, will end up killing me. where once i sought a “scatter-shot” approach to what i needed, i find that today, all the new ideas i need come from the fellowship that is my home. those who try and “blend” and merge the message. piss me off, and when members who “cross-fellowship” come bouncing into a meeting spouting off quotes from somewhere else, my emotional reaction is to shut the f*ck down and simmer in red-hot rage. instead of doing that yesterday, i left the room to use the facilities on the HOPE that i could let my passion temper down and be able to sit quietly and let go of the insult and disrespect to my fellowship, that i had perceived. the new idea i exercised was that removing myself from the situation was more than likely the next right thing to do. BTW: there is no “twelve by twelve” in this fellowship.

TJ M,
Congrats on NINE (9) years clean.

WHEW, i guess i still had a little heat about that stuff. the second “issue” that popped off the stack this morning, was the disparity of what some of my peers believe and what they seem to share. one in particular said that they found all the first person plural pronouns, “we and ours,” off-putting and yet when they share, they generalize using those terms. while it is certainly true that the fellowship i call home, uses those pronouns exclusively, to be inclusive, when I share, i do my best not to tell “you” what to do and not lump my experience into a collective of “we.”
i was going to go on about the another issue that has been on the top of my mind, but i am quite certain that my intended audience is not ready to listen. i will, end with this notion. i am far from certain that “all GOD wants for me is to be happy, joyous and free.” i know where that idea comes from and it is not from the fellowship that is my home. when i finally came to terms with how i saw GOD and how that vision fit into my spiritual path, i had to drop all, my preconceived notions about what that relationship would look like. i can live better without having to dive into what i may or may not think GOD wants for me. knowing myself as i do, IF i expect that GOD wants nothing more for me than to be happy, joyous and free, than when that does not happen, guess where the blame will go? i will give you a clue, it will NOT be my fault. 😜

∞ DT ∞