Blog entry for:

with the new ideas that may lead to me becoming a better person, is certainly a great topic for this morning. it was not, however, what i heard as i sat and listened. what came up from those depths was the notion of how much i am missing, by not paying attention to what is going on around me. my model for that, is someone who allegedly reads what i write on a consistent basis, but never seems to “get” what it is i am writing about. whether or not they are ready to hear what i am saying is totally irrelevant, what is important, however, is the reminder that i too, am apt to sit in a world where i “think” i “know” something and discount any words or ideas that may “feel” contrary to that world view.
this morning, i was very uncomfortable as i sat and did everything i could to get exactly my allotted time in. as the feelings bubbled up and i “saw” what i have been missing, the moments of self-doubt and self-abasement were ready to kick into high gear, what “saved” the day, as it were, was saved by a moment of stillness, in which i got to leave what was and came back to the what is. even writing about this right now, feels sort of weird, as i often speak about my daily program and sitting is part of that program. what i feel now is that i can certainly be more aware of what is going on around me, by paying better attention to those who are part of me life.

TJ,
ELEVEN (11) years clean.
CONGRATS my friend!

ironically, i have a meeting planned with my sponse today. the road trip however, is much shorter and i have moved through all sorts of stuff in the three hundred and sixty six days since that trip. the discomfort i felt this morning, is more than likely a nervous harbinger of the discomfort i “believe” i am going to feel, as i speak about STEP SIX with my sponsor this afternoon. once again basing my interpretation of what may happen on what i think happened in the past. maybe, just maybe, i NEED to let go of what my feelings will be in the future and feel whatever happen to come my way. i do know that i need a few miles under my belt, as it were, in the full morning light for a change of pace. it is a good day to be clean and a better day if i remember to shut off the judgement machine and listen attentively to what i going on around me, just for today.

∞ DT ∞