Blog entry for:

everyone a place to recover, even when one such as myself begins to believe the hype and thing that i **got** this shit down. at time in my recovery, i had the desire to be the BIG fish in the very small pond of my local fellowship. i know i have written about this before, but i will still express my gratitude for not driving away the members of that tiny community with my way oversized ego and my super-sized desire to be a “shining star.” 🌠
this morning as i pondered the nature of what my relationships is with my peers and the local fellowship, there are some that resent me, because i challenged their oversized egos, some who put me on a pedestal and most who see me as their peer and equal. i no longer feel compelled to share one extreme or another of my life, although that seems to be what some of my peers hear and focus on. it is true i am about to embark on an adventure that very few people will ever have the desire, motivation of fitness to do, but that does not make me any better than any one else, it just makes me true to myself and my desire to do things that challenge me, before i lose the ability to do so. i see my Mom, depressed and angry as she lives her life in 200 square feet and tell myself that i do not have the desire to CHOOSER that life, as she has. i want to be active and fit for as long as possible and as a result do the footwork on a daily basis to give me the chance to do so. i may have “decades” clean, but what that means to me today, is that i still have just for today and if i want another one tomorrow, i need to be open with my friends and peers about what is going on, after all it is quite true, one cannot save their face and their ass at the same time.
on that happy note, i think i will post this little ditty, shower off my workout and get on over to my home group. it is a good day to remember that i am just another garden variety addict and i need to do what my peers to, if i want to stay clean another day and find the ways and means to thrive.

∞ DT ∞