Blog entry for:

most of the time, i believe that i am open-minded and willing to accept new ideas, however this reading comes around and i begin to wonder if that is true. what if someone tells me something i feel is not true? am i really willing to at least look at that idea and reevaluate my concept of the truth? usually not, my general reaction is to dismiss the idea without due consideration, not very open-minded.
or how about if a new concept comes from someone i do not respect? once again my closed mind uses my feelings to dismiss an idea that may save my life.
or the worst case, what if that idea challenges my carefully crafted concept about how the world works? defensiveness and dismissal are my standard operating procedure.
what i do know is that the part of me i call my disease does not want to look at anything new or different, after all denial and fear are the tools that keep my recovery at bay, kind of like religious artifacts warding off the attack of a vampire.
knowing, understanding and accepting that by my very nature i am a closed-minded, opinionated and judgmental creature does little to help me learn a new way of living. i can remain inflexible and set in my ways and the result will be that sooner or later i will use again. the HOPE of the program that i choose to follow is that by learning to open my mind just a crack, to accept the possibility that an idea alien to my world view may be valid, the inevitability of my next use is delayed by yet another twenty-four hour period.
i do want to live a life that leads me to becoming the person i have always wanted to be and the only way i know how to do that is to crack open the wall of my intellect and allow a new idea or three to roll around in there and see what happens. the real truth, at least for me, is that by examining a new idea with an open mind will allow the process of recovery to continue. do not get me wrong, this does not mean i am chucking my opinions! it just means that my opinions may undergo a revision or two to fit with the new ideas i allow to penetrate the fortress of my mind. and i know that if i strive to do my best to look at the world with an open mind i will get everything i need to learn how to live this new life i have been given! and right here, right now that is all i can do. after all i have yet to run into anyone with a new idea this morning.
∞ DT ∞