Blog entry for:

for me to forget that my old ideas were killing me and can be deleterious to my ongoing recovery efforts. walking around being pissed off at someone that lacks any sense of their place in the world or how precarious their living situation happens to be, will not make me stronger, saner or more fit. nope all it does is add unneeded stress to my life and upset my emotional balance. this situation so perfectly fits a very old and familiar idea, that nothing is my fault, as here is a situation where i can honestly say see what you made me do, i am hurting myself because you refuse to look at what you do not have and expect me to provide that stuff. yup i take the poison and expect someone else to feel its effects! 🤣

TJ
Congrats on a DOZEN (12) years clean!

moving back into a new set of idea, i can see where i am going these days, after another trip to do some service last night. when i got up from “sitting” this morning, i realized that i have left someone “hanging” through my inaction. at first, it was because i did not know what i was going to write and how to reboot this relationship and for the first week or so, that was valid. as time passed, my desire to respond and restart my relationship with this peer, just faded from my consciousness and only resurfaced this morning. i am now the “dickish asshole,” not him. today, i have to make the time to write a letter and get it off into the mail. although i have yet to decide what it is, i am going to say, it certainly needs to be done, just as i need to find the time to take a phone call, no matter what time it happens to come in.
as it is still 12 below zero outside this morning, i know i need to dress out and head to Rec Center to get my workout under my belt. as much as i would love to say that i have “worked out” enough over the course of the past year, so why bother, i know that is the start into yet another set of old and familiar ideas. i have the desire to be more fit and trim and the only manner in which to live up to that desire, is to make the effort to do it. today, that means a trip to the inside track and various pieces of mechanical exercise simulators. after all a treadmill is not a run outside, it will, however, provide my body the workout i believe it needs and that i desire. yes it is a good day to practice a few new ideas and remember that i have the luxury of going just about anywhere i choose to go and there are certainly people in my life who are legally or physically constrained from doing so. i am grateful that i am not in either one of those spaces , just for today.

∞ DT ∞