Blog entry for:

about my feelings, with anyone was NEVER, EVER going to be something i did, PERIOD! stuffing my feelings, altering my feelings with substances and behaviors or ignoring them, altogether, was how i lived and plan to live until i took my last breath. i can safely say, that i do not suffer from depression very often. it is true that i do have S.easonally A.ffected D.epression, but that time of year has passed and the past few years, outdoor exercise seems to relieve the worst parts of it. it was once my belief that the whole **disease** of depression was a **fake** diagnosis used to line the pockets of therapists, counselors, psychiatrists and BIG PHARMA. my opinion has shifted over the days i have been clean, as i have seen my peers, die from untreated depression, by their own hand, often through a toxic dose of the favorite substance. i still believe that depression is over-diagnosed, but i am not a medical practitioner, so i do not foist my views about that, on anybody else. as one may be able to tell, i am not a fan of the mental health industry, but i did not allow myself to become one of their “victims” way back when i first got clean. anxiety, not depression was my “issue” and whether or not that is a valid diagnosis for me, no longer matters, as i have a path to overcome those times when i get anxious.
which brings me down a slightly different path. i am socially anxious, most of the time. when out and about with people, i once lacked the skills to properly assess and participate in social situations. my shrink would say that was a symptom of “panic disorder” and perhaps she is correct. i was one of the lucky ones, as the meds i was prescribed, were quickly terminated by me, in concert with my provider and learned to behave my way through social situations. this is one of those places where acting “as-if” paid off for me and continues to do so today. instead of medicating my unease away, i face it head on and walk through it. i may still be socially retarded, but i am getting better, day by day. now i GET to slide on over to my home group in Boulder for a bit of fellowship and recovery. it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞