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the power i need to survive another day clean and in recovery, is a theme i often come back to. my working theory is that although surviving is nice, i did not stay clean this long to merely survive. in fact, for the most part, living a program of active recovery has allowed me to thrive, even through the uncomfortable feelings and many frustrations i may experience in any given day. i could go on and on about how grateful i am to have the ways and means to continue to thrive, but this morning, as FREE as i may be, there is something else on my mind.
i have shared in the past, that i am one of those who is affected by the waning seasonal sunlight. this year, that cycle has been augmented by a very frustrating busy season for my client. in the end, i was more than a little irritable and certainly discontented to the point in throwing away my currently secure job and finding new ways and means to support my household. yes, i tripped back into the mindset of if it is not working, i might as well burn the whole thing down. not a healthy place for anyone and certainly not at all healthy for someone such as myself. the ten days off, live meetings and a face-to-face meeting with my sponsor, turned that attitude around and brought me back to a place where i can feel more than a bit grateful for what i do have. i still have to find a new job, i am still approaching sixty-three years of age and my parents are still not doling well, but i can “handle” that as well as the political turmoil of these plague-ridden times. what gives me the strength to continue is the personal power i can extract form the fellowship that has given me the tools to cope and from the POWER that fuels my recovery. from those sources, i can feel some HOPE and certainly live in a bit of FAITH, that all that i am. is certainly more than what i was when i finally came to recovery. things may not go according to my original plans on a daily basis but as a friend is apt to say, “nothing is fVcked!”
before the snow flies and before my on-call gets rolling, i need to get some miles in. i may not be the fastest runner in the neighborhood, nor the most dedicated, but i do know that persevering through these trying times, requires this addict to attend to his daily physical fitness program with at least the same dedication he attends to his personal program of recovery. once upon a time, working out was a matter of looking good and getting money from my employer, today it is part and parcel of feeling good. i am no spiritual guru and do not possess the wisdom of the ages, but i do know what i NEED to do, to stay clean and live another day of active recovery, just for today.

∞ DT ∞