Blog entry for:

of a life beyond addiction is a place where i DESIRE to be on a daily basis. it is HOWEVER, not always the place i end up. more times than not, i see the **dark** side of who i am and ignore the **light.** i could bemoan the fact of that little piece of reality, blaming it all on genetics or culture, and maybe that action, might change the way i feel. the path i find myself going down more and more these days, is seeking to understand my fellows, rather than deride them. as a result, i often find that i am more capable of being okay with myself, just as i am today. that is not to say, that i have become some sort of spiritual giant, as i certainly went off on a driver who merged on to the road then came to a dead stop as he tried to cross three lanes of traffic. i know that is a confusing intersection, if one does not take the time to actually read the signs providing direction on how to navigate that stretch of road. when i got to see the “tool” who nearly cause a multi-car accident, he appeared to be old, frail and severely frustrated by his experience. even though he had in-state plates, no telling what that “geezer” was going through as he “mis-navigated” the situation.
i see that experience as a metaphor about how i do life these days. for the most part, i flow safely and soundly through life's traffic, but i can end up confused and cause chaos and strife, because i did not pay attention to what the “signs” were trying to tell me. when i catch myself in that particular set of circumstances the my first thought, which may or may not be wrong, is “what a tool i am, i certainly SHOULD HAVE known better, especially since i have all this freaking clean time.” yes it is true, clean time may not equal recovery, but it certainly speaks for itself. when i look at where i am today, and where i was all those days ago, i can be okay with making a misstep or three during my daily trek through life. by seeing others as human and understanding that as humans they make mistakes, i find the freedom to see myself through the same lenses. forgiveness of their stuff sets the stage to forgive myself.
as i move towards getting ready to trek through the neighborhoods this morning, i am left with this thought, lifted from the reading. learning to forgive others is a step y=towards forgiving and esteeming myself, just for today. i can take the actions i need to take to find myself and my fellows humans worthy of taking their next breath, until, of course, the idiot driver does something stupid in front of me. 😆

∞ DT ∞