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is not something i am hard-wired to do, in fact i am of the type that desires to **control** everything and resist change, no matter the consequences. recovery has given me more than enough examples about how “bad” that way of living may be, and yet, for the most part, i “choose” to ignore that and stumble through life, as i always do. i am really not as bad as that last statement implies, as recovery has also given me thhe abilty to stop fighting change and roll with the flow, which served me well on my journey to Tanzania, as getting here was quite a long and arduous process. i am here now, i owe no amends to any customer service person and have almost everything i need for my trek, even though my main bag is somewhere between Boston and Moshi. i will be able to acquire all that i need, as this day progresses and who knows, perhaps my bag will show up tonight.
i have yet to see Kilimanjaro, as we flew in after dark and there are far too many trees and geological features blocking my view. i have been hanging with the grroup and am starting to fit in, even though i am socially retarded. i know now that i will have to accept the changes within me, as i can see myself becoming far more social. my first clue was the flight from Boston when i was in the Delta One “pods.” i felt isolated and alone, which i effect was the intent of arranging a section of the plane to do just that. as weird as that may sound, i see it evidence of me changing what i crave and social interaction seems to be part of that new mix.
here in Africa, i have to work with what i have, which right now is not aa whole lot of clothes to hang around here in, all my stuff is hiking and cold weather gear, so i will certainly be winging it. i do have all day to chill and see what happens, which is of course a surrender to my current circumstances. life is good today, i am in Africa, i feel fit enough, mentally and physiically to handle what comes down the pike today, change be damned. it is a good day too be clean and in Moshi and to have the ability to accept change.

∞ DT ∞