Blog entry for:

striving to forgive rather than be forgiven is of course a very noble concept and one that requires a whole lot more growth than i have on some days. i am most forgiving of others in the program, especially newcomers, after all they do not know any better or so the reasoning goes in my head. and of course my friends and family members are accorded the same gift. however (which i know negates everything i just said) in my daily life with those i encounter randomly especially on the highways and byways, i am entirely unforgiving and without compassion and empathy. i rush along the road and rail at their apparent idiocies without any compassion or empathy -- after all do they not know who i am and that i have places to get to? when this attitude is apparent to me (and often it isn't at all) i know that i am not in a spiritual place and i need to do a spot inventory to see what is really wrong.
this same unforgiving attitude is often extended to myself. even the silliest things cause me to come down hard on myself and practice self-flagellation.
and now back to the reading, the last part:

to act in a manner that makes me worthy of self-love

and that includes counting myself among those who i need to seek to forgive.
i can see myself through the harsh reality of my disease and then nothing i do will ever nbe good enough or i can choose to view my actions through the filter of recovery and see my behaviors for what they are, the acts of a sick individual and strive to do better. this does not excuse me, but merely sets the framework up for furtherv growth and learning how to continue the process of self-forgiveness.
∞ DT ∞