Blog entry for:

the insanity of one of my friends or peers becomes evident for all to see is far from comfortable.once upon a time, i was quick with a word of advice, much like my favorite recovery tourist, to those i suspected of lapsing into a bout of insanity, but over the course of my days, i have learned that is far from a prudent action. today, through the trials and tribulations of being someone who has been present for more than a few days, i watch and offer my support, rather than my “solution.” there is one thing i am quite certain of these days, when i am traipsing into the insanity of self-will, i am totally deaf to the screams and advice of those who surround me and care for my well-being. if that is the case for his garden variety addict, it probably is the case for all my peers in recovery, at least in various times and situations. learning to allow my friends and peers to stand or fall on their own, is one of the toughest task i have ever undertaken, especially for someone such as myself, who once believed he had ALL the answers. the fact that “i told you so,” no longer feels good to me, is an indication that i am growing up and learning how to detach my esteem from the behaviors of those around me.
i mentioned my favorite recovery tourist a bit earlier and i certainly got a HUGE dose of advice from them last evening. following the direction of my sponse, i asked the addicts in attendance last night to break off a piece of their Experience, Strength and Hope about the THIRD STEP. the peer i respect the least was the one who proceeded to tell me all the things i “should” be doing, rather than focusing on the process they went through as part of their THIRD STEP.as i sat there and shut down the rebuttal that was forming within, i realized that they truly thought they were being helpful and answering my question, by giving me the advice of their “learned wisdom.” what i uncovered as i sat last night in my TENTH STEP was a sense of gratitude when i realized that i got a shining example of what i do not want to be. the reading this morning, hammered that home and today i can be okay with allowing others to be who they are, and when i am asked, offer up my ESH and leave my advice about what they “should” in the place it belongs -- the garbage can.
on a final not, i got the results of my nicotine test yesterday, so not using tobacco, now is a choice, rather than a mandate. it will be interesting how that plays out over the next days, weeks and months.

∞ DT ∞