Blog entry for:

that i have a program that allows me to be free from active addiction and provides me a path to find the strength to carry on, no matter what. i have to admit that today has not been framed in gratitude. i forgot my work-out mask and had to use my public mask at the Rec Center this morning. i had issues falling asleep last night because i kept going over what i “needed” to tell my Dad this morning about how i was seeing very little evidence that he has not “giving up” on getting out of his bed and back into his life. of course that was weighing on my mind, as i did my less than stellar work-out. what really bugged me was how much of my personal power i gave up over the past twenty-four hours. after my conversation with my parents and my siblings giving me the rest of the day off, i am finally getting a grip on my feelings and what my “true” responsibility needs to be. coming back to who i am and what i can do, i am starting to feel a bit more grateful for being able to finally let go and breathe.
yes i forget that i have choices today, and my parents have limited choices. i also have to “remember” i have the support of my friends, peers and my spouse, with whom i share my recovery. i dumped on two of them this morning, a friend and a peer, and sharing my burden with them. lessened my load of sh!t. as i sit here, in the here and now, watching football and getting ready to upgrade my website to a bit more modern software, i am okay. sure it is one-thirty and my laundry is not done, but that is okay, as this day has been way out of my “normal” Sunday. at least i can get up, be present and let the world spin as it will.

∞ DT ∞