โ tucking individuals into a pigeonholes โ
Posted: Mon, Mar 27, 2006 07:33:05 AM
is a quick way for me to deal with people i encounter in day-to-day life, so i can move on with what i really want to do. although this was my default behavior in active addiction, when making quick decisions about people and situations was a survival skill, i can honestly say that i still fall into this trap in recovery. not that judging a person is necessarily a bad thing in the world today, relying on the stereotype i have created to guide my actions forever is. recovery is teaching me that the impression i create in my head is very rarely accurate or even useful anymore. the fact is not everyone is out to get me! nor is everyone so messed-up that i do not have time to get to know them. life is far to short for me to instantly ‘ X ’ someone out of my life based on my initial judgment of them, their behaviors or the perceived quality of their recovery. no i am not some sort of saint that instantly looks for another person‘s assets, not yet anyhow and probably never. BUT i am no longer in active addiction and i am working on tempering my judgment with love and empathy. creating an instant judgment is really the easier, softer way and if i have learned anything along this path, i have learned that the easier, softer way is more often than not the wrong way.
of course i can always lie to myself and say that i do not have the time to accurately assess a person or even add another person into my life, so i can rely on that first judgment i created to handily dismiss them. the real truth is that not only do i have the time, i also need to look more closely at everyone i encounter to find their assets because when i dismiss them, i am actually dismissing myself. their perceived defects of character are actually mine. and if i am not aware of my defects, how can i make the choice to act in a more spiritual manner? ands after all, these days it is all about taking the spiritual path and not the path of denial. that ‘low road’ will lead to only one conclusion -- my spiritual demise, and i am not ready today to go in that direction.
of course i can always lie to myself and say that i do not have the time to accurately assess a person or even add another person into my life, so i can rely on that first judgment i created to handily dismiss them. the real truth is that not only do i have the time, i also need to look more closely at everyone i encounter to find their assets because when i dismiss them, i am actually dismissing myself. their perceived defects of character are actually mine. and if i am not aware of my defects, how can i make the choice to act in a more spiritual manner? ands after all, these days it is all about taking the spiritual path and not the path of denial. that ‘low road’ will lead to only one conclusion -- my spiritual demise, and i am not ready today to go in that direction.
∞ DT ∞