Blog entry for:

and my emotions were just two of the more enjoyable side-effects of daily using. as odd as it seems after a minute clean , it was what i seemed to be all about and coming into recovery and having to deal with the harsh light of reality was quite a shock to my system. right here and right now, my mind is pretty numb, as i read this reading nine time zones to the East at 4 AM in Athens. my plan was to write about this on the flight home, but i was too cheap to spend the 7 €, so i am stuck doing it from the comfort of my own home, before walking, showering and slipping off to slumber land. i often wonder what took me so long to come to the place i am at today and although “over time” is the concept here, it still feels like it is taking far too long.
i have to admit that my vacay was beyond my wildest dreams and i have come home with a desire to dip into a bit of Greek Mythos, to get a better clue about how all of that fits together. i also have come to the conclusion that perhaps locking someone out of part of my life, is not the best strategy to take. i am not resolved to let them in, quite yet, but i am on the cusp of a decision that i know i can always rescind, should it end up being too heinous. mind-numbing is what this day has been for me, so i really do not think i need to go on about nothing, and will call this good, just for today. i no longer have the desire to see the world through the rose-colored lenses of daily using. i no longer have the desire to go on and on about sweet nothings, but tomorrow is another day.

∞ DT ∞