Blog entry for:

honesty of intimacy, is at times, a high price to pay, especially for one such as myself that spent decades perfecting a life undercover. i no longer have the DESIRE to do what everyone else expects me to do, nor do i have the DESIRE to care what they may think about that action. for the first time in my life, i see my needs on a level playing field with those around me. i may not selfishly seek to put mine ahead of others, put i do not place them lower on the list, so that i can look “good.” these days, it is more about how i feel and i feel marvelous, most of the time.
seriously though, i was presented with a dilemma late yesterday afternoon that falls clearly into my wants and needs, being a part of and the wants and needs of others. this is not the first time that this sort of situation has come up, but it is the first time that i was willing to compromise, only so far and i have the determination to stick to the line in the sand i have drawn, i will not be bullied, cajoled or manipulated into giving anything more than i am willing to give, PERIOD. the compromise i offered was more than adequate and meets the requirements of what the situation requires. no one asked me what i thought and perhaps, it had not risen to the level of actually requiring my input, yet. i have now provided it and i will see what happens.
after a less than stellar performance in Fantasy Football this week, i am still in exactly the same place in the standings, 5TH Place, two games out of 1ST place. it would be nice if i came charging back this week, as i am playing one of the teams that are “on the bubble.” there is still a path to the first week bye for me, but it will require some of the top teams falling as they battle it out, in the last few weeks. i guess i should just let go of all of that and get out for a bit of exercise, even if this is a “light” week. it is after all, part of being myself -- cigars, football, exercise and recovery, just for today.

∞ DT ∞