Blog entry for:

isolated and alone, is a state of being i seldom arrive at these days. that is not to say that i walk in the light of fellowship with my fellow human beings, ever single minute of every single day, but compared to where i was, even a year ago, i am a whole lot more connected than i ever was. this whole new take on my life since i came out from under the rock of the belief that stymied my inner self being shown to the world has led to all sorts of consequences that i could have never predicted. living life as myself and inviting others to see me as i really am, has created a dynamic within me that seems to affect all that i am and what i choose to share with those in my life. intimacy, for me anyhow, has taken a whole new look and what i once believed i could share with others has expanded beyond my wildest dreams.
so that does it for the “Susie Sunshine” part of this exercise, today, i am drowning in concern about actually having my job after the First of January, as my employer has not officially given me the word and i have been writing some very “buggy” code. what that means for me today, is to finish “correcting” what i overlooked and move on. as i drove though the fog this morning, what kept thinking about was how i missed the clues about where to look yesterday afternoon, when i started to figure out what i “forgot.” today, as i consider what i need to do, i see that my lack of knowledge about how this workflow is supposed to go left me assuming that i had everything done. before i jump into anything else, however, i need a refill on my coffee and quick trip to get my two hundred and fifty steps. so i think i will post this and amble along through my day in the office, attempting to correct what i did not know and present a finished and polished solution. my recovery is like that as well. when i let go of who i was and who i may want to be, i can and will be comfortable enough to share who i am, just for today.

∞ DT ∞