Blog entry for:

can wait until it has been asked for. for me, this is quite a leap forward, as i have always believed that i had an obligation to provide solutions to every problem anyone ever shared with me. i totally missed the notion that maybe, just maybe they just wanted to be heard. after all, i had experience, i had knowledge and believed that equated to wisdom. much to my surprise, not only was that not true, it was often off-putting to those who endeavored to be in a relationship with me. getting clean and embracing recovery, did very little to deflate that bubble and it was a very long minute in active recovery, before i started to glimpse the truth. what a rude awakening it was for me the first time some actually told me to my face that what they required from me was a kind ear and absolutely no solutions.
these days, i may have the answers swirling in my head, BUT, and yes it is a big one, i let go of them as fast as they form and listen to what i am being told, waiting to hear what my response, if any, may need to be. my sponse asked me if i required time this morning after the meeting, and quite honestly i said i did not. i am sure it came from us being the last two folks left in the room, but perhaps he saw a bit more than i did. in reality, i am actually pretty good today. i am not living in FEAR, i do not have the weight of my unfinished tasks hanging over me, i have met my daily step goal and i may end up taking a nap, or playing my computer game, on this late November Saturday afternoon.
i am still unpacking my interactions with my cousins from Chicago. i did not offer advice when my cousin stated his worry about how to get his brother to turn his life around. i know he loves his brother and has the desire for his brother to be around for a very long time. when i a=was asked, i told him, he needed to treat his brother as i treat my family members who happen to exhibit the symptoms of addiction. be an example, provide feedback when asked and get an outside party to help him get started on a physical recovery program. like those i have seen in the throes of active addiction, until he is ready and willing to change, he will resist any attempt to make him change. human nature is just like that. i never wanted my siblings to move my Mom's bed downstairs as it would remove her goal of climbing the stairs to her bedroom. i was right, she never did get her physical strength back and she just started he long slide into oblivion, once that as removed. she had nothing to strive for, so she did not strive to do anything, no matter how much shame and regret she felt. just for today, however, i can accept that knowing an answer and providing an answer are not always welcomed by those to whom i want to give it.

∞ DT ∞