Blog entry for:

to others and to my heart, is certainly a worthwhile task for today. it is a sad day, as it is the FIFTH anniversary of the death of my friends Brian M. the reading this morning and his death are tied permanently together and when i stop and consider, was i listening in his final days, or was i living in my own bubble-world of self-obsession? that is a question i will never get an answer to, but one that may pop off the stack, again and again, as i stay clean and continue my journey into becoming.
this notion of listening and actually hearing what other are telling me, seems especially apt right now, as i am dealing with a peer who is all about pushing something through, regardless of the personal cost to their integrity. having lived in the “by any means, necessary” world for far longer than i wish to admit, i recognize the symptoms and i see my reaction and the behaviors arsing from that reaction as indications that i still have some work to do as well. in the long and short run, i guess it is up to me to decide what is the correct course of action for myself and if the answers i asked for ever come in, plan accordingly for how i will respond, pitching any emotional attachment i may still have to the issue, into the bit bucket.this morning seems to have gotten away from me and i really wonder how i fell into the trap of reading some very long articles when i have a very short period of time to do so.
i do know that today i have to finish my work and get it debugged i also know that today i need to see one of the men that call me their sponsor, do a bit more training on a subject i am finally beginning to understand and let go of my current service obsession. a quick run through this not so chilly morning is next on my plate and as always, i have the FAITH that exercise will help clear my head and remove a bit of the heat i am feeling from the fear and loathing i have created in my world. it is a good day to let go and really listen to what i am being told, from the inside as well as the outside.

∞ DT ∞