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practical, it is not spiritual. this is one of those bumper sticker sayings that i actually find instructive and integrate into my life. the practical part of recovery, certainly leads to the spiritual part and among the things i find practical is the admission, on a daily basis, that i am powerless over the part of me i call addiction. reiterating something from yesterday, i am also powerless over all manifestations of addiction, in my friend, peers, acquaintances, and my family members, although they are a whole other egg to crack open on another day. today, i can focus on what i am feeling and allowing myself to be powerless over those feelings.
today, just happens to be the anniversary of the successful suicide attempt of a friend and sponsee, who could not get past the shame of what others were thinking of him and he could not remember. i did manifest a bit of survivor's remorse about not being able to prevent that even from happening, but this image was the last text he sent me and knowing the approximate time of his demise, it was probably close to the last thing he did, before ending his suffering. the sadness and darkness i feel today will pass, and i no longer allow myself to play a victim of his decision, as i know it had nothing to do with me living a life in the shadow of those who have passed or left my life in other ways, is disrespectful of me and certainly far from practical to bring this little diversion back around.
when all is said and done, i am okay today and believe that i am on the correct path. whether or not i do the absolute “best” that i can or not, is not relevant. i have to be satisfied that what i did accomplish was within my power to do so and that i lack the power to save anyone from themselves. heck, i cannot even save myself, so i think i will shuffle off to the mailbox to fetch what may or may not be there and be okay knowing that just for today, i am living the best possible life that i can.

∞ DT ∞