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and the direction i lacked in active addiction is evident this morning, as i sit here waiting to see what my fate at my current gig is. i can honestly say, that even six months ago, i would have been up all night, worrying about what might happen at 11:00 this morning, and rightfully so, as i have never been under this sort of gun before. according to my perception and my FitBit app, i slept as well, last night as on any other night. this morning, i am a bit anxious and angsty, but not to the extent i would have expected and i can only attribute what i am not feeling and doing, to the program of recovery, that i have made my life. everyone around me feel as if i have done enough to keep my job and that i am projecting an outcome, and that very well may be. i have come to accept that by noon, i may be looking for another gig and that certainly may come to pass. there is a calmness in mew, with all of this up in the air, that i cannot explain, rationalize or justify, so i just have to chalk it up to recovery and move along.
as i sat and listened this morning and yes i had to pray before i listened, as i jumped out of bed without completing my morning routine, what came up from the depths was a sense of purpose and the certainty that i will get what i need to live the life i have. what i did get the feeling to do, was to contact one of the recruiters that keeps reaching out to me and send him an updated resume. what i am going top do next, is brush my teeth, set up my workstation and get working at my project as it is too cold, too dark and far too slick and snowy for me to have any desire to go out and walk this morning. i may have a whole lot of time around noon to take care of my physical fitness. 🥶 🥴 🤣 🤞

∞ DT ∞