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the recovery i found is something different: a chance at a new life. i have been given tools to clear the wreckage from my life. well it has been a grand set of 24 hours, i have heard more than i thought i would from sources that i have minimal respect for, and you know what, they told me something that i needed to hear. they told me, that i am still an addict, and that IF i want to continue getting what i have been given, a chance of at a new manner in which to live, it would be in my best interest to pick-up the pace that has been lagging recently. not that any of those sources all of a sudden got so much better, no what i saw was the irony in believing what they were saying, while acting in a different manner. what it brings home to me, and what came up in my 10th step last night is that am i saying one thing and doing another? am i claiming credit for the gifts that life in recovery has brought me? am i being present for the reality of the here and now? lots of questions and the answers were more than revealing to me. i can allow others to be in my head and have control, especially when i go to judging their walk versus their talk. i can allow myself to walk in the darkness of bitterness and resentment OR i can use the tools i have been given and surrender them to the POWER that keeps me clean. most of all i can recover my ole life, if i so choose, it really is quite simple, walk away from recovery and see what happens. before very long i know i will be miserable enough to start using, and the cycle starts again.
my choice today is to keep those questions in the forefront of my conscious self and walk the path i have been given, and do the best i can to do the next right thing. so off to town and into my day, it is after all my decison as to where i want to go today.

∞ DT ∞