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what a gift. just the other evening i shared at a meeting that the last thing i want today is my old life back. it is true that i was not a willing participant in my recovery when i got here. it is also true that all i wanted was to get out of the jam i found myself in as quickly and easily as i could and go back to the life i was living. after all, i was not like you, i did not have a problem with any specific substance so i was not an addict, that was something that i told the justice system to get an easier softer trip through the process. at that time, i was blind to the damage i was causing to myself, my family, my employers and to the world in general.
well i did not get any of those desires, and if the life of a recovering addict was not so much beyond my wildest dreams i would feel angry and ripped-off. instead i feel grateful and amazed that a person such as me can have dreams reawaken and i get to live those dreams, but i digress. the gifts that i have received have gone way beyond material and financial success, or recovery of my health. today i have a connection to something beyond my ken that provides me with the POWER i need to stay clean today. today, i have relearned the ability to love and be loved. today i have the tools necessary to minimize the wake of damage i create as i cruise through my daily activities. but most of all, today i have learned that i am not a piece of shit and am worth the effort it has taken to get here and worth the effort to continue the journey forward. yes i am still riddled with fear, uncertainty and doubt, but even that can be dealt with the proper application of the principles that i have received.
today i am truly grateful to be one of the members of the fellowship that gave me a life beyond words.
∞ DT ∞