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we are a vision of hope...
this is not the royal **we** i am referring to, i am being **inclusive** of all my peers in recovery, using the first person plural form of to be to state my feelings about the fellowship around me. as i have said in the past, i am very, very, very picky about the pronouns i use when i share, being very careful not to generalize all my peers into the shmear of “we,” or give advice by using “you.” today, however i make an exception because i feel that any of my peers who have maintained at least one day clean, are certainly a vision of hope. even those who trash their reputation by foisting their self-will on the local fellowship pretending to know what is “best.” been there, done that, got the T-shirt and managed to stay clean and remain active in the fellowship that has given me this new manner of living.
today, as i sit here, preparing to finish the tasks i have set out to accomplish and go chill in the cigar store for a few hours, i am exceptionally keen on the whole HOPE thing. i can say that HOPE for me often feels like a funnel into the pit of expectations, resentments and disappointments. when i “hope” for an outcome, than i am cratering into desire, which is never a very good thing for me. the way i counter all of that, is to see that my peers, many of whom have walked through what i am walking through, stayed clean and grew because of the experience. therefore there is hope that i can as well. hoping for the ability to grow, is certainly better for this addict than hoping someone else will change or millions of dollars will just fall into my lap. anyhow it is time to take off and get out of the house for a little bit today. i certainly hope i can enjoy my afternoon out and about, without my smoking buddy, just for today.

∞ DT ∞