Blog entry for:

to new spiritual awakenings, is far from the most pleasant experience on my recovery journey. those **opportunities** often look heinous and certainly feel as if the weight of the world has decided to come crashing down on me. this morning as i sat, the last thing i thought about was how grateful i was for the adversity i have experienced in my life. after some coffee, oatmeal and a few minutes scanning the news of the world, i have a better perspective on what i felt. i may not be rejoicing in the trials and tribulations that have brought me to this point in my life, but i do see that each and every one of them has provided me a touchstone to reality and a nugget of experience in dealing with that which is not to my liking. that small sense of gratitude is more than enough for me to move along into my day.
coming back from my run, as i complete my final load of laundry, i realize a “lesson” that has been hammered home to me, time and again. that lesson? that when i do not respect someone, they still have something to teach me and i do NOT disparage them to those i sponsor or with whom i associate. i know that one of my peers' revered heroes did not die clean. more than once i have wanted to cast shade on that person's memory because i saw more of them than many others and more than once had to live with being treated as if i was a resource and not a peer. today, i know what i know and for me that is more than enough, as what benefit do i get out of sharing the sad facts of that addict's life to those who value and respect him for his “wisdom.” and kindness.
there have been a few others in the course of my recovery, who have managed to lose my respect, i still, however, get a lesson or three about how NOT to live. i need not live in a world of simmering anger and resentment, nor do i have to face every day as my entire life is dependent on what i achieve. life is not a series of playoff games nor is it a zero sum game that means when i gain, someone else loses. today, at least for me, i can accept i am far from perfect, post this little ditty and move into the next phase of my day FOOTBALL CIGARS and FRIENDSHIP!

∞ DT ∞