Blog entry for:

are two terms that aptly describe my natural reaction to living life on its own terms. anything that may look like is is **too** tough for me to handle, is something to eliminate at all costs from my life, after all, this program is one of balance and constancy and challenges that pop up foster neither. i am not one of those who seek out chaos, anymore and i certainly am far more comfortable when i do not have to step out into the unknown. what i heard this morning was that although i do not seek chaos, chaos and challenges will be part of my life. looking at them as opportunities to learn, is a far better response than cowering in my bed, under my covers, quaking with fear. i may not be overly fond of this particular analogy, as it touches on some very sensitive places in my make up, but it is certainly something i can accept in the here and now.
dealing with the reality of my aging parents has sharpened my focus on my own mortality. i see how their lifestyles affects their health today, and i want to change the trajectory of my own path into the next couple of decades of my life. i remember them both saying, time and again, if one or more of their “unhealthy” habits were not affecting anyone else and made their lives a bit more enjoyable, what was the big deal? i see the effects on both of them, my Dad has no muscle tone and my Mom is unable to breathe without oxygen. what that tells me, is that can be my fate as well, if i decide to go down the same paths they chose to walk upon. i do like nicotine and the company i get when i am enjoying a cigar with a friend. however, tobacco smoke is the cause of my Mom's distress and lack of exercise and no outside hobbies at the root of my Dad's. i have adopted a fitness program and i keep hearing myself spout the same rationalizations that they spouted for years, when i challenge myself on walking away from my less than healthy choices these days. to say that i am resistant to learning the lessons i am receiving on a daily basis, is quite the understatement. after all, i am not them and i have a better way of living that allows me to care for myself in the here and now. 🤣
it is time this morning to prepare to get out in this frigid Friday morning and put some miles in. my injuries from being careless are healing and i am returning to form. i may resolve to not be like my parents in twenty-five years, but in reality, other than taking care of myself, there is very little i can do. what i can do is use their current state of being as a lesson to be learned and make choices that may preclude myself from going down their paths. just for today, i will accept the challenges life offers, grudgingly at best and see what i may need to learn from them, so that i can share my experience with those i share my recovery with and those with whom i share my life.

∞ DT ∞