๐คจ surrendering ๐คจ
Posted: Sun, Apr 9, 2023 11:28:41 AM
to tradition three, the only requirement for member ship is the desire to stop using. although i hate to admit it, i am one judgemental asshole, ninety-nine percent of the time. that is just a fact of life. i have my opinions about how one should live one's life, the only thing that has changed is that i keep them to myself, or dump them in a manner that does not call anyone out. one thing i have learned about who i judge in the rooms, is that most of the time i am wrong and even when i am correct, there is nothing in the THIRD Tradition that allows me to treat them any different than i wish to be treated, with respect and dignity.
the part of the content that really stuck our for me was “Judgments and expectations of people with significant clean-time can leave them feeling isolated, too.” it is not that i feel isolated form the pack, but at times, i do not seem to be where they are, no matter how hard i try and understand where they are coming form. one of the men i sponsor told me yesterday that when i share, i surprise and confuse him nearly every time. i could go two ways with that statement. the first way would be to retreat in clichés and bon mots, as i have heard others with significant clean do. that was what chased me out of the other fellowship, i tired of hearing the same shit, over and over and over again. specifically how bad things were when they came to recovery and how wonderful recovery has been for them. i have pondered going in that direction as the days pile up, but each and every time i think i will, i stop and consider what sort of message do i really need to carry: a vapid slogan-filled string of fluff that does not deal with what i am feeling or doing in my active recovery, or carry a message that even with a minute clean, i still see obstacles have to set goals and correct my behavior? i choose the latter and those who may be a bit put-off by my honesty about myself, can certainly talk to someone wiser than me.
this morning i am good with where i am and where i am going. i did not win the lottery last night, but i have everything i need to make it through this day and thrive. i may cast a judgement or three across the course of the day, but i will be able to keep them to myself and treat the object of my judgement with courtesy respect and dignity, just for today.
the part of the content that really stuck our for me was “Judgments and expectations of people with significant clean-time can leave them feeling isolated, too.” it is not that i feel isolated form the pack, but at times, i do not seem to be where they are, no matter how hard i try and understand where they are coming form. one of the men i sponsor told me yesterday that when i share, i surprise and confuse him nearly every time. i could go two ways with that statement. the first way would be to retreat in clichés and bon mots, as i have heard others with significant clean do. that was what chased me out of the other fellowship, i tired of hearing the same shit, over and over and over again. specifically how bad things were when they came to recovery and how wonderful recovery has been for them. i have pondered going in that direction as the days pile up, but each and every time i think i will, i stop and consider what sort of message do i really need to carry: a vapid slogan-filled string of fluff that does not deal with what i am feeling or doing in my active recovery, or carry a message that even with a minute clean, i still see obstacles have to set goals and correct my behavior? i choose the latter and those who may be a bit put-off by my honesty about myself, can certainly talk to someone wiser than me.
this morning i am good with where i am and where i am going. i did not win the lottery last night, but i have everything i need to make it through this day and thrive. i may cast a judgement or three across the course of the day, but i will be able to keep them to myself and treat the object of my judgement with courtesy respect and dignity, just for today.
∞ DT ∞