Blog entry for:

to tradition three, the only requirement for member ship is the desire to stop using. although i hate to admit it, i am one judgemental asshole, ninety-nine percent of the time. that is just a fact of life. i have my opinions about how one should live one's life, the only thing that has changed is that i keep them to myself, or dump them in a manner that does not call anyone out. one thing i have learned about who i judge in the rooms, is that most of the time i am wrong and even when i am correct, there is nothing in the THIRD Tradition that allows me to treat them any different than i wish to be treated, with respect and dignity.
the part of the content that really stuck our for me was “Judgments and expectations of people with significant clean-time can leave them feeling isolated, too.” it is not that i feel isolated form the pack, but at times, i do not seem to be where they are, no matter how hard i try and understand where they are coming form. one of the men i sponsor told me yesterday that when i share, i surprise and confuse him nearly every time. i could go two ways with that statement. the first way would be to retreat in clichés and bon mots, as i have heard others with significant clean do. that was what chased me out of the other fellowship, i tired of hearing the same shit, over and over and over again. specifically how bad things were when they came to recovery and how wonderful recovery has been for them. i have pondered going in that direction as the days pile up, but each and every time i think i will, i stop and consider what sort of message do i really need to carry: a vapid slogan-filled string of fluff that does not deal with what i am feeling or doing in my active recovery, or carry a message that even with a minute clean, i still see obstacles have to set goals and correct my behavior? i choose the latter and those who may be a bit put-off by my honesty about myself, can certainly talk to someone wiser than me.
this morning i am good with where i am and where i am going. i did not win the lottery last night, but i have everything i need to make it through this day and thrive. i may cast a judgement or three across the course of the day, but i will be able to keep them to myself and treat the object of my judgement with courtesy respect and dignity, just for today.

∞ DT ∞