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with the help of the spiritual tools and the other members of the fellowship that has given me this new life. quite a large pill to swallow and one that i never believed that i had to even think about taking. after all, this program is all about not using drugs! well, it was, once upon a time but, once the desire to stay clean was integrated into my life, i realized that there was still more work to do. DAMMIT JANET!
i heard some members with time sharing the fact that they did not know how to live this new life without using, and that they continue to work the program and attend meetings because the answers to their living problems could be found there. and then i heard some other members sharing that their life had improved to such an extent that they found the whole recovery gig unnecessary and were getting by just fine on an occasional meeting. well. i thought to myself, that is the path i want -- a great life and none of their constant diligence that was required in early recovery. cool, i thought, i will just latch on to one of those ‘winners’ and learn how to succeed.
as i became healthier however, i saw i was really mistaken in who the winners really were in those early days. trying to get one of them to sponsor you was harder than drilling for oil in Leadville. of course they had no time for sponsees, they were far to busy living outside the rooms and the last thing their busy schedule allowed for was some high maintenance newcomer! i also discovered the truth about who the real winners were. the real winners were those members who kept working a program , kept coming back and who actually learned to LIVE the spiritual principles of the program. and when the physical, emotional and spiritual compulsion to get high was finally lifted from me, i saw that there was a whole lot more shit to deal with in my life than my drug use. and gasp, i actually had more than a couple of behaviors that needed modification. and all of those less than desirable behaviors were directly rooted in changing the way i felt.
YUCK -- WTF --- OVER!
so what does my program of recovery provide today? mostly a manner of living in which i can take a bit of comfort knowing that at least today i do not have to act out, and that i really do have a choice in how i behave. i am no longer a slave to my feelings that needs to run away every time he feels a little bit of discomfort. i can be a better person and a better man by working the program as it has been passed down to me from my predecessors.

∞ DT ∞