Blog entry for:

respect, is a matter of how i present my ideas as well as the content of what i may have to say. i have often been the loudest and most persistent of voices when it comes to presenting my ideas. being self-righteous and convinced of how “right” are certainly part of my fatal flaws. as i sat this morning, a few things came up, the first being that i have never sent anyone into a pitched argument to do my bidding, as i am more than capable of doing that myself, and i have come to see that a clear message and a soft voice gets my point across so much better than violent and profane outbursts.
more than once in recent years i have been the one commanding the respect of others and when i come against another, who is doing the same thing, sparks do fly. my passion becomes aggression and my sense of “how” to communicate flies out the window. stepping away from those toxic situations was the only way for me to handle my stuff and in the long run, was certainly the best for all. i did not leave “scorched earth” behind, nor did i have to whine about what others “did” to me and my ideas. when the going got far too hot for me, i simply walked away. my need to be “right” may not be diminished, but i certainly have learned the lesson of how not to create and foster toxic and foul situations, by listening instead of forging ahead without the buy-in of my peers.
moving into the here and now, i can feel the sense of what is correct for me in my life and what needs to be amended. it has been over a week since i made the pilgrimage to see my Mom, and quite frankly, i feel a whole lot lighter than i did eight days ago. i know this respite may not last and i need to enjoy the FREEDOM i have acquired after three years of being a part of a situation that was quite foul and toxic for me. not having to watch someone slide into irrelevance and live up to a whole lot of unspoken but quite definitive expectations has allowed me to attain a bit of distance form the situation and get some clarity about how to move forward, when their situation changes once again and they are saddled with a poorly socialized dog. that day is not today and if and when everything blows up, i will revisit what i can do and what i am willing to do. for right now, distance is the best medicine for me, so that i can re-enter that relationship in a quietly respectful manner rather than a pouty, sullen simmer of anger and resentment. today it is a great day to practice communicating in a respectful manner and respecting those around me, even when they choose not to respect me.

∞ DT ∞