Blog entry for:

extending acceptance of my friends and my family, is pretty easy to do, it is the other ninety-nine point nine percent of the human population i may have a problem or three with that bubbled up from the depths this morning. one might think that this old hand at recovery would have found the ways and means to walk through his day accepting everyone and everything that he happens upon as just the way things are. well, that is quite wrong, as i am still an avowed cynic and quite judgemental of how others act and apt to cast motives on their behavior. what i have learned in my minute clean, is that sort of behavior can and does separate me from humanity and when i find myself moralizing and stereotyping i need to peek at what may be going on inside of me.
one of the things that trips me over the line, more than anything else, is watching folks around me, acting totally oblivious to the needs of others, especially when they get behind the wheel of their automobile. i may be oversimplifying, but it seems that the whole world, at least the part i occupy has become self-obsessed and overly self-entitled. it was my way of living before i “got” recovery and part of me, misses be able to live in that sort of world, blithely going through life without a care about how my behaviors affect those around me. so jealousy and envy create a judgement machine within me and it mauls all those who fail to meet my expectations. as a character defect, it truly sucks and the spiritual opposite is to accept without conditions that people are just the way they are and leave my crap about on the side of the road. perhaps, i need to add another area of focus to my daily inventory and see how many times i did just that. i bet it is more often than i admit and it could be a measure of my daily spiritual fitness.
as i move into this gray and gloomy morning, i know that i have much to accomplish today. among the myriad of tasks i have on my plate is to secure another source of funds for my friend who may actually be leaving the welcoming confines of the Boulder County Sheriff's Bed and Breakfast. he reslly has been chapping my hide, with his expectations of being available whenever he happens to call. i know he is constrained about the when, based on his circumstances, but i still feel “put out” when it happens. i am also less than excited about committing to attend a meeting this evening, as at least two of my fellow members on the panel have already indicated they were attending. i feel the need to take care of myself and not do anything, but i also know that i have made a commitment to myself and those who i share this service commitment with, to be there and shoulder my part of this load. more will certainly be revealed as i head out and get some miles under my belt, as it often is. what i am stepping out with this morning is the desire to be a bit more accepting of everyone who crosses my path and see how that works out for me, just for today.

∞ DT ∞