Blog entry for:

in my life, means that i NEED to let go of the familiar and allow change to happen. i hate to admit it, but i am certainly guilty of holding on to what i think is okay, for far too long. it is true, i am resistant to change and i suffer from the FEAR of what the unknown future will look like, if i allow myself the FREEDOM to do something different. i know from my experience that allowing change is the easier, softer way, and yet, i still find the ways and means to live in a paranoid delusions of how “awful” it might be. the fantasy of thinking that the situation will change, or that somehow i will become tolerant of the unacceptable, is one of those character traits that feel as if they are “written in stone.”
one of those p[arts of my life that is unacceptable to me, is my week of on-call for work. my employer keeps cutting team members and because i am working with an end-of-life application i do not see them doing anything to add another team member. as a result i am on-call for sixteen hours a day Monday through Thursday than form 8 AM Friday until midnight Sunday. taking a four day weekend did not get any work off my plate and the work that came in on my time away, is now on my plate. YUCK! i tell myself, now is not a good time to be actively seeking a new position and yet i grumble about how heinous things are in my current job.
and so it goes, at least, just for today, i managed to change up my schedule enough to get everything done before my on-call started and i am willing to make one more alteration to allow myself the FREEDOM to be more than ten minutes away from home. in the meantime, i think i will just take a breath, get on with what i need to do and make a place in my heart to allow change to become part of my life. perhaps, even become a bit less resistant to change and have a bit of FAITH that the POWER that fuels my recovery, quite possibly has my back.

∞ DT ∞