Blog entry for:

is well versed in unmanageability, my tolerance for complications not of my own making can be surprisingly low. this morning, as i wait patiently for the world to turn in the direction i desire, i truly can feel what my source material was attempting to awaken in me. no, words have no will on their own, their power is in the reactions and responses i have to them. what i “heard” this morning, was that no matter how hard i try and arrange things to go the way i want them to go, there are influences and powers outside of me that might hinder my progress. i can, as i have often done in the past, “throw in the towel,” and walk off pouting and sulking or i can get into a fatalistic attitude about what will be. neither of those reactions are ideal, at least not for me, as both indicate something other than acceptance.
the manner in which i would want to respond is to accept that setbacks are part of life and take a minute to look at what i am trying to do to see if i need to persevere or change direction, rather than just dropping it into the bit bucket. one of the tropes i am quite familiar using is that my HIGHER POWER provides answers in one of three ways

1. Yes
2. No
3. Not Yet!

and it is the third option that may drive me to distraction.
what i took from the reading this morning, is that i have the ability to have the desire to look at adversity, accept it for what it is, and move along with my life. most of that unmanageability comes from the “not yet” bucket and wasting my time and energy in railing about how unfair or wrong it may be, is counterproductive after a few minutes of whining. 😭 😭 😭
even though i was more than a bit frustrated arranging transport to and from the airport yesterday, i got that task accomplished. even though my annual draw down has yet to hit my bank account, i am okay financially as i am still working and still getting a full paycheck. even though i have a man who calls me their sponsor, struggling with enumerating his ”shortcomings,” not for lack of effort on his part, i know that when i see him this afternoon, if he does not fire me, i will be able to tap into my ESH to guide him to his solution. all of that bubbled up from the void this morning and i swiftly went past that stuff and saw that right here and right now, i really do have the best life possible for me, in the real world. perhaps i will buy a winning lottery ticket and this life will get better, or not. just for today, i will allow myself to mourn my losses and move on relishing my wins.

∞ DT ∞