Blog entry for:

know the motives and desires of anyone else, i simply have to hope for the best. okay, i admit it, i am a terrible judge about who will stay clean, who will relapse time and again, and who will say WTF, and leave the path of recovery behind. even those who seem like they are all in, relapse. even those who are pissed off and disrespect the program at every chance they get, can get recovery and for me to predict which is which, is an exercise in futility.
case in point, me! my intentions, quite openly stated, way back when, was to stay clean just long enough to get off paper, and yet here i am many thousands of days later, still clean, still going to meetings and still doing my best to live a program. most everyone who was there in my beginnings, more than likely thought i was going to fade away and never come back, and yet, they kept telling me to keep coming back. it is true that i have left the fellowship where i started and never went back, but that was a bad fit from the very beginning and allowed me the freedom to find the path to where i really needed to be.
i wish i could say, i practice this flawlessly, but i do not. i still tend to favor those who i think have a chance and like another member said at the meeting the other night, i am more like a couple of week kind of guy. i seem to gravitate towards those who show up for about ten days and do not get all pink cloudy in that time. yes my bias and prejudice shines through. that human characteristic that was warped by active addiction and ended up saving my bacon more than once, is now something i would love to have removed. the good part though, is that i recognize it, and can surrender it to the POWER that fuels my recovery.
i do however have to slide on over to Boulder, so i will end on this note, just for today, when i carry the message tonight, i will be certain to speak to all the newcomers and let the power of my message be enough, it si after all, out of my hands after that.

∞ DT ∞