Some memes

worth and dignity of each of my fellow addicts and of myself, i practice kindness and hospitality. i almost blew it last night, when one of my peers shared about how they stayed clean through the pandemic by attending another fellowship. i know that was more than a bit disingenuous, and when they continued to praise that fellowship in the meeting my blood pressure took a steep rise. of course, i want to go on and on about them, but this is really about me and how i walked briskly away after the meeting, so i would not excoriate them with what i was thinking, needless to say, it was neither kind nor hospitable. the good news is, my asshole self was stymied by me taking a bit of responsibility for my recovery and not shitting in my nest, as it were. as tough as it may be, i have to remember that there is no “correct” way to do this recovery gig, and even if one violates traditions and disrespects the fellowship, it is not my place to put them in theirs.worth and dignity of each of my fellow addicts and of myself, i practice kindness and hospitality. i almost blew it last night, when one of my peers shared about how they stayed clean through the pandemic by attending another fellowship. i know that was more than a bit disingenuous, and when they continued to praise that fellowship in the meeting my blood pressure took a steep rise. of course, i want to go on and on about them, but this is really about me and how i walked briskly away after the meeting, so i would not excoriate them with what i was thinking, needless to say, it was neither kind nor hospitable. the good news is, my asshole self was stymied by me taking a bit of responsibility for my recovery and not shitting in my nest, as it were. as tough as it may be, i have to remember that there is no “correct” way to do this recovery gig, and even if one violates traditions and disrespects the fellowship, it is not my place to put them in theirs.
i just got off the phone with my sponsor and as we chatted about one of the men who call me their sponsor, he asked if i would be willing to take up a service position at our home group. i am willing and told him so, but i am stuck wondering how i can help my sponsee find his way to real recovery, instead of just knocking at the door and drooling like some underfed dawg at the feast of recovery he sees. i feel as if i m failing him and yet i do not want to abandon him, as he struggles to get his feet under him. that goes back to how i was treated way back when, even before i had a desire to get and stay clean. i cannot remove his struggle or judge his willingness. in fact, i am powerless over what he does, thinks or desires to do. i will, however, keep an open mind and follow this lead to wherever it happens to go. i now for a fact, i will not use, because he lacks the willingness, i believe he needs. just for today, i can admit where i have no ability to affect change and let go.

∞ DT ∞