💫 addiction tries 💥
Posted: Thu, May 28, 2026 09:44:03 AM
to weaponize my differences with my peers in recovery to prevent me from getting well. once upon a midnight dreary, the last thing i ever desired was to find a place to belong, or at least that is what i kept telling myself. a place to belong would mean passing as someone who was not broken or revealing myself to others who were just as broken as i believed myself to be. the former was almost okay, as that was how i lived my life, the latter, not so much. i kept my distance from the fellowship and did my best to keep anyone from seeing me,. and throughout my period of mere abstinence i did a damn good job. when i realized that perhaps i needed something more, i hit the same stumbling block: front what i was not or reveal what i believed i was. that dilemma haunted me throughout my recovery, as it was always lurking under the surface, ready to snatch me down at any moment.
as i stayed in the fellowship and saw that there were actually others, who like me, were afraid to reveal their true selves to our peers in recovery, i became comfortable, dripping out the details of who i was, slowly and steadily, almost always retaining the stuff i was to ready for anyone else to see. becoming willing to show my whole self took a whole lot more time. what it did for me, however, was to allow me to feel empathy for those who were struggling to find their place in the fellowship no matter how long they had been clean. i was proof that isolation and inclination did not disappear overnight and looking for loopholes, escape valves and reasons to walk away, were part of who we are. i learned because i felt different, that chances were i was not the only one and my job was to reach out to those who may not have looked like everyone else in the room. in other take no addict for granted.
this morning as i sat, i remembered those dark days, when i believed no one could understand me. i also remembered that there were more than a few of my peers who attempted to reach out and touch me. what i remembered most was the only requirement for membership was the desire to stay clean, and when i gave up the fight and took up recovery, that was the most important thing anyone had ever said to me. today, as i prepare to get out on the streets, i know that i can and will be present for whatever addict comes my way and allow myself the freedom to let them find their way to the place i have found.
as i stayed in the fellowship and saw that there were actually others, who like me, were afraid to reveal their true selves to our peers in recovery, i became comfortable, dripping out the details of who i was, slowly and steadily, almost always retaining the stuff i was to ready for anyone else to see. becoming willing to show my whole self took a whole lot more time. what it did for me, however, was to allow me to feel empathy for those who were struggling to find their place in the fellowship no matter how long they had been clean. i was proof that isolation and inclination did not disappear overnight and looking for loopholes, escape valves and reasons to walk away, were part of who we are. i learned because i felt different, that chances were i was not the only one and my job was to reach out to those who may not have looked like everyone else in the room. in other take no addict for granted.
this morning as i sat, i remembered those dark days, when i believed no one could understand me. i also remembered that there were more than a few of my peers who attempted to reach out and touch me. what i remembered most was the only requirement for membership was the desire to stay clean, and when i gave up the fight and took up recovery, that was the most important thing anyone had ever said to me. today, as i prepare to get out on the streets, i know that i can and will be present for whatever addict comes my way and allow myself the freedom to let them find their way to the place i have found.
∞ DT ∞