๐ being who i am ๐
Posted: Wed, Aug 19, 2026 11:57:56 AM
may actually help a newcomer identify and relate -- and stay. i know that lately i have been more than centered on the notion of being my authentic self. ever since my last FIFTH STEP and stepping off the cliff into retirement, my identity has been in flux. some of that i have resolved by finding creative means to express my always overactive imagination, shaping daydreams into novel length works and playing with imagery that places me in strange and unusual situations. learning how to bend AI to my will and refreshing my website with the help of AI, is keeping me sharp. i have to admit that both of those events kicked off a process that is ongoing and that as i accept that i may never truly know my authentic self, at least i am striving to see myself as a person worthy of my own respect and kindness.
these days, i also get satisfaction from my part-time job. where once i saw my career and work as part of who i am, a definition of sorts, i now see work as something i do, and do very well apparently. i got my first customer review yesterday and apparently just doing my job was worth five stars. i have to admit, i was not going to interfere with the customer as she looked for cigars to take home for her husband. i saw that she was getting frustrated and decided to step in and help. there was no hidden motive or agenda, i just saw that maybe i could make things a bit easier for her, even if she did not ask for help. as i grow more comfortable with people and that in and of itself was my biggest reservation about this work, i am finding that i enjoy the work and being of service outside of he fellowship. i have never been a “people” person and as i learn how to become one, i am seeing that maybe it was there all along, just hidden under the garbage of he lie that i was too broken to be seen as myself.
on days like this, when i have no responsibilities or places to be, i could see myself sitting around doing nothing and wondering what i might be missing. after all, no work, no sponsees, no chores and more choices about what i could do than i am used to having. one choice i have made over the past few days, was to reopen a project and actually work it over to make it a tighter version that fulfills my changing requirements. what started off as a piece of Batman fan fiction through an alternative evil version of him, has now become a story that goes far beyond that. yes it still is evil Batman versus Batman/Bruce Wayne, but the criminal mastermind has depth and character development that the original work lacked. i am pleased that i finally decide to actually complete one of my languishing projects and have decide to go back to the others and see what i can do. one is far too long but will need to be two volumes, one is too slow and needs to be stripped down and the final one needs expansion into something more than an outline. not sure which one i will take up, but just for today, one of my unfinished works is done and there is a sense of accomplishment in getting it completed.
these days, i also get satisfaction from my part-time job. where once i saw my career and work as part of who i am, a definition of sorts, i now see work as something i do, and do very well apparently. i got my first customer review yesterday and apparently just doing my job was worth five stars. i have to admit, i was not going to interfere with the customer as she looked for cigars to take home for her husband. i saw that she was getting frustrated and decided to step in and help. there was no hidden motive or agenda, i just saw that maybe i could make things a bit easier for her, even if she did not ask for help. as i grow more comfortable with people and that in and of itself was my biggest reservation about this work, i am finding that i enjoy the work and being of service outside of he fellowship. i have never been a “people” person and as i learn how to become one, i am seeing that maybe it was there all along, just hidden under the garbage of he lie that i was too broken to be seen as myself.
on days like this, when i have no responsibilities or places to be, i could see myself sitting around doing nothing and wondering what i might be missing. after all, no work, no sponsees, no chores and more choices about what i could do than i am used to having. one choice i have made over the past few days, was to reopen a project and actually work it over to make it a tighter version that fulfills my changing requirements. what started off as a piece of Batman fan fiction through an alternative evil version of him, has now become a story that goes far beyond that. yes it still is evil Batman versus Batman/Bruce Wayne, but the criminal mastermind has depth and character development that the original work lacked. i am pleased that i finally decide to actually complete one of my languishing projects and have decide to go back to the others and see what i can do. one is far too long but will need to be two volumes, one is too slow and needs to be stripped down and the final one needs expansion into something more than an outline. not sure which one i will take up, but just for today, one of my unfinished works is done and there is a sense of accomplishment in getting it completed.
∞ DT ∞