Blog entry for:

visibly drawing closer each day to becoming the kind of person i want to be. as i run through the stuff i need to get done before i head down south this morning, i am awestruck about what this reading means to me today. of course, the very first time i read this, minutes before i actually started the recovery process, but while i was “around” the rooms, i heard what i thought were the jokes about having to change everything.
well many days and steps later, i realize that it was and remains to be one of those abiding truths. i really did NEED to change everything and that process of change is ongoing today.
that being said, i also dove a bit deeper into what is going on inside and just like that elephant i had to start eating one bite at a time, way back when, i have reached one of those places in my recovery where there just seems to be far too much going on, for me to handle. i start a major contract on Monday that will consume 40 hours a week. i have one web site that needs some images and polish, two to move, a new one to finish, a consult about e-commerce and a consult about a different direction on yet another. i want to pull out some books and study up a bit before heading in on Monday and i would like some time to breathe as well. a bit of whining? perhaps. what i see is that i have a lot of stuff ion my plate, and while it is good to have some work and get a steady paycheck,. i now see that i will also have to work some time in for me and me alone. because i still have my service commitments, as well as my commitments to my sponsees and oh yeah what about my commitment to the person with whom i share my life?
i can honestly tell you, that this is the first time i actually looked at what i was getting myself into, since accepting the position, and it will take time, one bite at a time, to figure this all out. how it fits together and what i can do, to stay healthy,; financially, physically, spiritually and socially.
to back to the premise of the reading. there is no way that i can start to figure all of this out, if i freak and start using. there is also no way this will work if i cut and run by acting out on some other behavior. knowing those two facts, there is a single path through this briar patch for me, that is have a bit of FAITH that the POWER that fuels my recovery, gives me nothing more than i can handle, let go of all my worrying and scurrying and do the next right thing. that thing happens to be to jump in the shower and then point my car towards Cañon City. after that i can start to figure out how i can fit all that i want to do and all that i need to do into the time i have in front of me. i CAN walk in FAITH, do the footwork and let go of my expectations of what the results will be.
at least just for right now.

∞ DT ∞