Blog entry for:

the further i was pushed down the path of addiction, the further we withdrew from joy, wonder, and love. that journey was not taken overnight and when i arrived i came with more than just a drug problem.
well i could talk about the horrors of active addiction and that would fit the topic.
or of course i speak to the chaos my life is in this twenty-four hour period as i move from an abode to my home.
however i am not in the mood for horror tales or luxury whining today -- both of those topics can be easily summarized -- the first i sucked at life, drugs made feel like i did it better, and by the time i got clean and decided to recover, i was not a very likable guy.
the second -- one of the gifts of recovery is that i GET to learn how to form long term relationships and take the responsibility i need to purchase a house -- having movers move my stuff is a very different affair for me.
so here i sit cross-legged on the floor trying my best not be in the way and i start to ponder about the influences of the program have had on me. both of my diversions are part and parcel of the topic at hand but neither are adequate for describing where i am going today. the spiritual influence that has become part of my life has allowed me to grow into a social acceptable person, and it is important for me to remember that does not equal recovery. i have become a person that is once again capable of being loved and loving in return. i have become a person who can once again see beauty and find joy in the moments of day-to-day living. and i have become a person who is more dependable, reliable and responsible in most of my daily activities and commitments. but for me, i have started to become the man i have always wanted to be, a vision that i had even when i was using, but was incapable of living. the influences of the steps and the members of the program have helped become more than i ever believed was possible and will continue to lead me on that journey. for me, right here and right now, the process is more important than the destination and that is a wonderful thing , just for today.

∞ DT ∞