Blog entry for:

of fellowship and spiritual strength, quite a difference from what i had when i came crawling into the rooms of recovery. i did not think i was seeking a new influence and at the time, new influences were not on my menu, i just wanted to get my a$$ out of the shite i had got it into. ironically, one of the gifts of recovery that i am the most grateful for today is that connection to a group of people that are like me, who get me, and who have shown me that there is life beyond my last fix. so before i give anyone the idea that it is all rainbows and daisies here, the darker side, is that i have had to come to trust and respect people just like me, addicts. after all. IF they are just like me, than, like me, they will do anything they need to do, to get whatever it is they think they need. yes into every bit of beauty there is a bit of ugliness, yin and yang are balanced, in a perfect world. i do have a quick shout-out to a friend and peer, before i roll down that path any further:

John SH
Nine, count 'em, years clean!
Congrats my friend.

the new influence that is part of my life today, never manifested as a “pink cloud,” and i often find myself envious when the others get one. i know that many of my peers see the “pink cloud” as a curse instead of a blessing, i was in that boat for quite some time. today, as i stated, i get a twinge of envy, when i see it and often hope that when it dissipates, they have formed the connections to survive what comes next. the new influence in my life has changed my default behavior when i feel envious, from trying to destroy, to reaching out and helping to form a connection. it was probably that previous reaction to envy, that made me see a “pink cloud” as a curse. today, instead of wishing them ill, i wish them the best possible outcomes. i am still a realist, and i know what happens when that state of recovery changes, life on life's terms gets real.
i could go on, but i need to get back to hammering away at work. yes i have all sorts of new influences, including a much stronger work ethic. it is a good day to be clean, and perhaps tomorrow, i will have more to say.

∞ DT ∞