Blog entry for:

for the kind of cooperation required to restore joy, wonder, and love to our lives. life has all sorts of twits and turns and more times than not, i get a shot of something i need from out of the blue, as the tired old bromide goes. although i hesitate to ascribe human emotions and motivations to the POWER that fuels my recovery, it often appears that POWER has sense of irony and dark humor. before i get rolling:

John S,
Congrats on 6 years of doing it
One Day at a time!
Thank you for being here.

yes, i was speaking of irony and the events of this morning, certainly fit into that category. in fact the past few days have been interesting periods of growth for me, as i participated in a SECOND and FIFTH STEP across the course of the weekend. to the men who trusted me to be a part of their process, i am grateful, for the service they render to me, is beyond any sort of description. it basically comes down to keeping me clean, but oh so much more. the messages those messengers are gave to me over the weekend, is that i am certainly well enough to be trusted and respected.
i often wonder if my motives for writing this little ditty on a daily basis, are as pure as the driven snow. i am grateful for the opportunity to process stuff in writing and in public, even if it is obscured by the general noise and chaff that is the interwebs. i once believed i was doing this for you all, but i now know that this is my place, my space and certainly my thoughts, as well. when i get down to the meat of this reading, i see that this exercise, is certainly part of helping me return to civil society, in all sorts of ways. the most obvious, is i get the thrill of saying something here that i cannot or will not share openly in a meeting. i can be judgmental, provocative and yes abrasive in this space, because i make the rules. the part of me i call addiction loves making the rules and as i stay clean and grow, the rules, at least here, get fewer and less strict, which cause others to take umbrage at what i write and quite honestly i like that as well.
i could go on, but what really came to me this morning, is this need of mine to formally move on to STEP TEN, as all of a sudden new stuff is popping out all over the place, that could be addressed quite adequately with a new look at STEP 10. the only thing blocking me, is my lack of writing out the amends i need to make and sitting down with my sponsor to take care of the first part of them. yes even though i am stalled on my step work, this fVcking process continues to work me over. the influence that my peers have on my life, through the 12 STEP process, is amazing and still irks me form time to time, as sometimes i want to be sick, twisted and oh so dank and murky. today, however, i want the spirit of the spiritual life this program offers, so it is time to say TTFN, and head on over to my place of gainful employment.
BE WELL, all of you, Just For Today.

∞ DT ∞