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well i am better today than yesterday and you know what the reading this morning helped. not that i am grateful for volunteering to leave my job, well not yet. not that i am not concerned about my future and how i am going to pay my bills, that has yet to be lifted too. but i am moving towards acceptance over all of that and a whole bunch more.
you know, i often wax poetically about the differences in my life since becoming a part of the fellowship and accepting that i am a plain garden variety addict, nothing unique in that respect, i used and found the ways and means to use more PERIOD! no what i am thinking about this morning is the influence that the members of the fellowship and the spiritual principles i have been exposed have has on my life. i often joke about how when i came to recovery i would not know a spiritual principle if i tripped over it and that of course is an exaggeration. what i did not know was what i took be common traits of normal people were actually spiritual principles, things like respect, responsibility, empathy, concern and caring. i looked at all of those a character weaknesses, after all i was a modern man and ethics were situational. my actions and behaviors could be rationalized, justified and spun to make them acceptable to me, i certainly did not care if they were acceptable to anyone else.
so what does all of that have to do with cooperating? well those same ideas are perniciously present in my life still to this day. and unless i cooperate by opening myself up to a new idea or three, i will use again. i guess it takes a crisis for this addict to see what is really going on inside of him. the spiritual principles, the loving attention of the fellowship and the care of THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS, will show me the direction i need to be travelling -- IF I ALLOW THAT DIRECTION TO BE REVEALED TO ME. cooperation not dismissal is what i need to do today. and since i smack dab in the middle of my third step, what i need is to consciously and unconditionally surrender my will and my life into the care of those powers and see what happens. it really is going to be okay today!

∞ DT ∞