δ as i progress in my own recovery, sometimes my thinking is still insane. δ
Posted: Thu, Apr 5, 2007 09:05:14 AM
however, i find that when i share the hard time i may be having, others identify, sharing how they have dealt with such difficulties.
well honestly, i am almost always prone to an insane thought or three over the course of my day-today recovery. not that the insanity has yet to be lifted by a POWER GREATER THAN I, on the contrary much of what i used to think has been replaced by spiritual principles and seeking to do the next right thing. no the nature of my insanity these days is quite a bit more subtle and often very difficult for me to detect. i need the company other recovering addicts to see exactly where i am thinking and acting in a insane manner. one of the countless gifts that i have blessed with along this path is the number of people in my life that let me know that i am acting, speaking or thinking in an insane manner. although it is my nature to take such input and feedback in a defensive and dismissive manner, the message still gets in and percolates around my brain for a bit and then the light bulb comes on voilà, i see exactly what they are referring to.
most of the time is comes down to once again thinking that i am unique and no one has ever gone through what i happen to be going through at this moment. of course that is a lie, however since i CHOOSE to attend meetings where i am among the members with the longest clean-time, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. that is part of the insanity that i have been going through with trying to discover relevance of meetings for me today and it took a road trip to dispel that little piece of sh!t. so what in the world is this not so unique addict to do? well for one keep doing what i have always done, and try to listen to what is being said to me by the people in and out of recovery who actually care for and love me. not too tough, and ridiculously simple. plenty of food for thought on this fine thursday ... off to the races!
well honestly, i am almost always prone to an insane thought or three over the course of my day-today recovery. not that the insanity has yet to be lifted by a POWER GREATER THAN I, on the contrary much of what i used to think has been replaced by spiritual principles and seeking to do the next right thing. no the nature of my insanity these days is quite a bit more subtle and often very difficult for me to detect. i need the company other recovering addicts to see exactly where i am thinking and acting in a insane manner. one of the countless gifts that i have blessed with along this path is the number of people in my life that let me know that i am acting, speaking or thinking in an insane manner. although it is my nature to take such input and feedback in a defensive and dismissive manner, the message still gets in and percolates around my brain for a bit and then the light bulb comes on voilà, i see exactly what they are referring to.
most of the time is comes down to once again thinking that i am unique and no one has ever gone through what i happen to be going through at this moment. of course that is a lie, however since i CHOOSE to attend meetings where i am among the members with the longest clean-time, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. that is part of the insanity that i have been going through with trying to discover relevance of meetings for me today and it took a road trip to dispel that little piece of sh!t. so what in the world is this not so unique addict to do? well for one keep doing what i have always done, and try to listen to what is being said to me by the people in and out of recovery who actually care for and love me. not too tough, and ridiculously simple. plenty of food for thought on this fine thursday ... off to the races!
∞ DT ∞