Blog entry for:

who generally do not take themselves too seriously, who are ready for something wonderful.
first off, much better today, an old injury flared-up yesterday afternoon and quick action averted two days of misery in the gloomy aftermath of post migraine fog. it has been quite a bit of time since i had one of those and i do not know what set off the muscle spasms that trigger that response. but that is life in recovery, some days are excellent, some days are good and some days just are. i could fall back on that old cliché about my worst day clean being better than my best day in active addiction, but that as i have spoken about in the past is a lie, i actually had some wonderful days in active addiction and i have had some downright shitty days in recovery. that is what my experience has been.
so what about the reading? after all, it speaks to finding a place in the rooms where the members do not take themselves too seriously and are ready for something wonderful. i still get that impression most of the time when i walk into any meeting, and part of that atmosphere gives me the HOPE that my life can change into something like that of the members whom i happen to see. there was a day when all i found in meetings was the same old tripe, and that was in my recent past. the irony of that is that it was not the members who were messed-up, it was me! i had the shit filter running on overdrive and everything that anyone shared was promptly dissected and analyzed and found to be lacking in any merit or recovery. where was that atmosphere of recovery that the reading speaks to today? it was there, same as always, however no matter how obvious it was to everyone else, it was invisible to me.
so what do i take from the reading today? well for one, to lighten up a bit and give myself a break. yes it is my job to be welcoming and open in the meetings, to create an atmosphere of recovery. BUT it is not my job to sugarcoat life on life’s terms. the biggest task i have is that no matter how crappy my day, no matter how awful my life happens to appear at this moment, i still have the HOPE that i can stay clean, that i can continue to progress in recovery and i can still remember that recovery is its own reward. happiness and success are byproducts of my recovery process and not rewards. so off to meet a few of the responsibilities i was unable to complete yesterday.

∞ DT ∞