Blog entry for:

or even more simply put, am i having fun yet?
well i do have a more serious nature than most of my friends and peers, so as a consequence this is a valid and pertinent question.
i have approached this reading from several different angles since getting clean and actually finding a bit of recovery. the first times i read it, i thought it was suggesting that i abandon my nature and become some kind of clown, without a care in the world and at that time i was ready for some big changes in my life and proceeded to try and become this shallow, fun-loving creature that went through life without care or concern. and unfortunately as i have came to discover, i cannot be who i am not anymore. that was an act and all the acting ‘as if’ could not change the fact that i have a very serious nature. so then i decided to ignore this reading for a few cycles and let myself be who i am. and you know what, this morning when i read this entry, a different perspective opened-up for me, i can be serious and still have fun. i can laugh, cry, take a joke, expose my own foibles, play, smile and be a joyous, cheerful member of this new life. it does not mean that my serious nature has been eliminated, nor does it change my resolve to fulfill my daily responsibilities. on the contrary, those parts of me can peacefully co-exist with the fun-loving, irreverent, sarcastic, practical joker who lives only for another smile and laugh.
so after many years of struggling to balance my serious side with my childlike playful side, i have come to the conclusion that it is just better to let go and see what happens. be the whole me, serious and fun-loving, and do the best i can to savor the moment and the fun i am having now, after all that is all i really have anyways! :))

∞ DT ∞