β slowly but surely, i am learning to have the ability β
Posted: Fri, May 6, 2011 09:04:40 AM
to relax and enjoy the atmosphere of recovery. okay, i have to admit it, i am one of those who takes things way too seriously. i was quite dark and cynical when i came to recovery, and probably far too serious even way back then for my own good,. in fact, i was a punk rocker just because of the nihilistic angst that music genre seem to project, and quite certainly would have been a Goth had that been part of the culture when i was growing up. so learning to lighten up, and laugh at the absurdity of my life and the world in general has been a project that i have undertaken from the very beginning of my recovery journey.
now i run across the not as cheesy readings of having fun in recovery and i am sent reflecting upon the state of this work in progress, since i do not have a cliché-ridden piece to distract me from the message. recovery is serious business for me, as i am quite certain, at least for this addict i would be dead without it. place that fact of my life in the context of who i was when i got here and one can quite easily see why this reading is an important one for me. honestly i do love to laugh and have a good time. i also am intelligent enough to see the silly absurdities that define my life. uncoupling those less than stellar moments from my self-esteem is part of how i am learning to laugh at myself and not take myself to seriously. in fact, most those incongruities are present in almost everyone i share my recovery with, and If they can be amused by their own crazy shortcomings, so can i, as i am learning to model my recovery after those who have something that i just may want, the ability to walk through life with an apparent ease, most of the time.
what strikes me as especially humorous this morning, is the visual of me as a 54 year old Goth. i mean really, i can see me going all out, including using heavy duty sunscreen to keep my skin oh so pasty white! you know…
no not really, i do not have the determination to allow myself to be pasty white. it is however, an example of what i can do when i get an idea set in my head, as absurd as it sounds. that is what i got this morning, as i listened to what was going on after reading this entry, that IF i want to be happy, i just have to LET myself do so, and let the rest of the world take care of itself. so off to the races and into the streets as it is a warm and calm morning, at least right now. i will see what insane stuff happens as this day goes on.
now i run across the not as cheesy readings of having fun in recovery and i am sent reflecting upon the state of this work in progress, since i do not have a cliché-ridden piece to distract me from the message. recovery is serious business for me, as i am quite certain, at least for this addict i would be dead without it. place that fact of my life in the context of who i was when i got here and one can quite easily see why this reading is an important one for me. honestly i do love to laugh and have a good time. i also am intelligent enough to see the silly absurdities that define my life. uncoupling those less than stellar moments from my self-esteem is part of how i am learning to laugh at myself and not take myself to seriously. in fact, most those incongruities are present in almost everyone i share my recovery with, and If they can be amused by their own crazy shortcomings, so can i, as i am learning to model my recovery after those who have something that i just may want, the ability to walk through life with an apparent ease, most of the time.
what strikes me as especially humorous this morning, is the visual of me as a 54 year old Goth. i mean really, i can see me going all out, including using heavy duty sunscreen to keep my skin oh so pasty white! you know…
no not really, i do not have the determination to allow myself to be pasty white. it is however, an example of what i can do when i get an idea set in my head, as absurd as it sounds. that is what i got this morning, as i listened to what was going on after reading this entry, that IF i want to be happy, i just have to LET myself do so, and let the rest of the world take care of itself. so off to the races and into the streets as it is a warm and calm morning, at least right now. i will see what insane stuff happens as this day goes on.
∞ DT ∞