ฮ amending my behavior and the way i treat myself ฮ
Posted: Fri, Jul 6, 2007 07:36:21 AM
and others is the whole purpose of working the steps. i am no longer just **sorry**; i am responsible.
yes i was one of those i am so sorry guys, you know the type, the only thing i am sorry about is that i did not get away with it....
and then of course i would try and do it again. the worst part of it all, when i look back on it, was the broad swath of faceless people i cut down in my active addiction. for this addict, my amends to society were more numerous than those to the people who were part of my life. somehow i managed to retain just enough self-control to minimize my damages to my friends and family members. although they too were tired of the i am sorry but... that rolled out of my mouth so often, that they could recite the ent5ire litany without thought.
i am very grateful that i do not have to live in that manner any more. i am grateful that this new manner of living provides me the means to get through life with a minimal amount of pain and destruction. do not get me wrong, i still have to admit i am wrong and make amends on a regular basis, i am no Mother Theresa or anywhere close. nope i am just a garden variety addict that is walking a path of recovery, as well as being a flawed and less than perfect human being. this morning i can accept that without any reservations, however i am about to embark on a weekend journey to the northern edge of Montana, so i will have plenty of time to act-out, do a bit of harm and have to admit that i am wrong and once again make yet another amends. that is simply life in the big city.
i am grateful that this side of my family is not dreading my arrival, in fact, my cousins are actually looking forward to seeing me, the irony of this whole trip is, that when i was using the last place i would want to spend a weekend would be Chinook, Montana, and right now i am excited that i get to go spend a weekend up there.
so off to run my errand before flying off to see my family.
yes i was one of those i am so sorry guys, you know the type, the only thing i am sorry about is that i did not get away with it....
and then of course i would try and do it again. the worst part of it all, when i look back on it, was the broad swath of faceless people i cut down in my active addiction. for this addict, my amends to society were more numerous than those to the people who were part of my life. somehow i managed to retain just enough self-control to minimize my damages to my friends and family members. although they too were tired of the i am sorry but... that rolled out of my mouth so often, that they could recite the ent5ire litany without thought.
i am very grateful that i do not have to live in that manner any more. i am grateful that this new manner of living provides me the means to get through life with a minimal amount of pain and destruction. do not get me wrong, i still have to admit i am wrong and make amends on a regular basis, i am no Mother Theresa or anywhere close. nope i am just a garden variety addict that is walking a path of recovery, as well as being a flawed and less than perfect human being. this morning i can accept that without any reservations, however i am about to embark on a weekend journey to the northern edge of Montana, so i will have plenty of time to act-out, do a bit of harm and have to admit that i am wrong and once again make yet another amends. that is simply life in the big city.
i am grateful that this side of my family is not dreading my arrival, in fact, my cousins are actually looking forward to seeing me, the irony of this whole trip is, that when i was using the last place i would want to spend a weekend would be Chinook, Montana, and right now i am excited that i get to go spend a weekend up there.
so off to run my errand before flying off to see my family.
∞ DT ∞