Blog entry for:

when i am dishonest is usually far worse than the discomfort of telling the truth.
well the irony is quite delicious this morning. i have had some issues with a person whom i deeply care for and would hate to have to discard my friend on to the rubbish heap of the other people i have tossed away over the course of my life. honesty in this situation is the last thing i want to do, but i am becoming increasingly intolerant of the feelings i have inside when i am interacting with my friend on certain levels. it is me that has to change and it is me that has to draw a boundary and say what it is i am feeling, i cannot for a moment leave this little piece of honesty up to fate. i am on the verge of destroying a relationship that i treasure and am now willing to work at hard at rebuilding this relationship as work on building my relationship with my significant other.
i have to move out of the lie i have been party to, one way or the other. the irony you may ask? well this has been building up for the past few months, i have been denying my feelings and acting out in anger. a very familiar pattern for me, and one that i have not seen in a while. the behavior of creating conflict so the other person decides to end the relationship, freeing me of the responsibility of being the ‘bad guy ’. it is fitting that in the midst of my sixth step that this rears it oh so lovely head.
anyhow, a busy day awaits me, so off to the races and into yet another day of recovery.

∞ DT ∞