Blog entry for:

is sometimes a difficult task, here i sit, hungry, thirsty and without my morning coffee waiting to go to the doctor‘s office. i am not in a real good space, but i have prayed for GOD to remove any enjoyment from the next 10 hours.
my doctor knows that i am an addict and that i live a life of abstinence, but in order to ensure that my condition does not take a fatal turn, i have to undergo a procedure every two years. honestly, the last time i has this procedure, there was a part of me that enjoyed the after effects. and to be truly honest i looked at it as my ‘ GET OUT OF JAIL FREE ’ card -- meaning that i got to get high and keep my clean time.
this time however, i am dreading the experience and have some fear about the medication needed to sedate me for my safety, will unleash the disease of active addiction that is within me. this apprehension is valid and i have spoken of my misgivings with my sponsor and more than one closed-mouth friend. i have prayed and am now ready to let go and walk into the the lion‘s den. i have FAITH that i will be okay and i have the support of those who love me, to see me through today and beyond.
so what does this have to do about honesty?? i really do not have a clue except that i am being honest about who i am and what i am feeling as i write this. and that is living a honest program.
∞ DT ∞